In Search...

‘Though the journey seems hard
And the road unknown
My eyes see not the rubble
My mind heeds not the hurdle
For in my mind’s eyeI see the distant shores
Of tomorrow
I see the risings
Of the castle built with the sand
That slips through my hands
I must walk on
Before the sands run out
Of my tightened grasp
I have not anything
But the dream I see each day
And fear losing if I stay still anymore
I must be the road
That winds its way to hope
I must be the road’

silenced oneness

A blank white screen faces me...there is so much noise inside me, yet nothing seems to come out...there was a time when you spoke and words would come unthinking out of my head, into your being...now there is no talk, only noise...nothing that makes me find the thread to string together the incoherence and make it into a melody you once thought was beautiful...my voice is so rusty from having not been heard, that sometimes when i speak, i cant even recognise it as being mine...havent heard it so long, dont even know if i still speak the language of others...dont know if i miss speaking more or miss being heard more...silences speak while speech is silenced...but is that me that is silenced or is it because you are silent? atleast here, we seem to merge into one another...

Missing..

Sometimes, i miss you...mostly, i miss me..

Dear MMM

Dear Much Maligned Married,

Read a well written blog about smart, successful, single women...women who change bulbs on their own, take unilateral decisions about their careers and their carriers ;-) who relocate to new cities and manage settling down on their own...good read.very good read...specially for someone like me, who was single & successful (dont know about smart) till very very recently and is now not-single and successful (success is a subjective state of being...and i still dont know about smart!)...it made me think and feel this great urge to look at the status of those who are 'not-single'...

since the only status that seems to have changed for me is 'single' i shall restrict my comments to just that word...and i find myself wondering which state is tougher and could do with more encouraging 'slaps on the back'...

Packing ones bags and relocating to a new place, you does even as a 'not-single' woman & this time, not necessarily of a place unilaterally decided, and therefore not necessarily of your own choice...independence of managing your own life has been pushed and pulled into managing your own life and your owns' lives ;-) you still dont need help in changing the light bulb and still get to the airport at 3 am on your own...but yes, before you leave for the airport, you have to figure out how the house will function once you have left...you still change bulbs single-handedly (no big deal) and also wash clothes, cook food, keep a clean house, give medicines to the ill....and finish your office work!!

You must miss some of your friends who have decided to walk on, it must get lonely when all your friends from your earlier life, who are footloose and fancy free make their plans and you are unable to join in, but it also makes you more considerate and responsible for those around u....and through all this shines your intense affection towards those who are now joined with your lives...you can, but do not take unilateral decisions, since they affect more lives than just yours...

i admire your sensitivity and care towards all those who's lives now are joined with yours..i admire how you balance your varied and numerous identities and demands...may you continue to be as strong as you are discovering you can be...grow!