wahin...

नज़र हट गयी
ज़माने गुज़र गए
हवा का रुख़ भी बदल गया
अब तो अपना वोह उम्र भी
किसी और की कहानी लगती है
पर फिर भी
जब कुछ पल
इस ज़िन्दगी से नोच निकालती हूँ
तो मन की आँखों में
तुम्ही  को पाती हूँ
अब भी महसूस करती हूँ
तुम्हारी हाथों के स्पर्श को
अपने शरीर के छाप में
तुम्हारी आँखों की उस नज़र को
देख सकती हूँ अपने मन में
तुम्हारी आवाज़ के लय में
मेरे नाम की स्मृति
गुदगुदाता है मेरे अंतसतः को
एक बार
बस एक बार
फिर से याद दिला दो
उस हसीं का कारण
फिर कर दो बेदम
फिर उखाड़ दो मेरी साँसें
फिर समा लो मुझे अपनी आवश्यकता में
मेरी याद ने तुमको ऐसा अपनाया है
की तुम्हारी ही होके रह गयी हूँ
फ़र्क बस इतना है
कि में भूल सकती नहीं
और तुम जानते भी नहीं 

to love as it is meant to be...

To love with abandon. That is to say, to abandon oneself to love the other. so that all that remains, is the other, with the YOU becoming an amorphous thought, flowing in and out. to love with a clawing hunger, which makes the stomach turn into itself and the heart plummet into the depths of longing. the fumes of passion rising to the head and making it light headed. the desire to be owned clawing the mundaneness of existence and propriety. to be utterly and shamelessly dependent and needy. and to be held for that. is to love as it meant to be. 

How do i know i live?

it has been a while since words crystallised my thoughts....it is not like i have not been thinking...no, anything but. my head is abuzz with the zipping around of my thoughts, banging into one another. not crashing and destroying each other, but providing each other with that impetus, that push, which propels them into greater speed and higher frequency.

it is not like life is empty and therefore thoughts abound. each day rushes by, the sound of it zipping by almost throwing me off balance. yet, sometimes, life just swirls around me in its hurry, while i seem to be rooted at one spot. a hunger, a deep gnawing kind of hunger is consuming me these days. a desperation is eating into my innards, making me feel almost faint with the vacuum that it creates. a hunger for passion, for an all consuming ownership, to be occupied in thought and in feeling. nothing consumes me lately. nothing has. and i dont seem to be consuming anyone. A life where something does not consume me, or i do not consume someone, is a life that is like a placid body of water. no ripple. no movement. no sign of life. there is a madness that is my own, that i own, that needs to own me. life needs to make me breathless. it needs to make my heart skip a beat, it needs to roughly pull me into its arms and own me. rough me up. hold me close. disrupt my breathing. quicken my heartbeat.

make me feel alive.