hmm...

if for a long stretch of time, it feels like you've been getting up from the wrong side of the bed, maybe the truth is that you have been getting into the wrong bed!

Itni to humari yaari na thi ki milne chale aaye

Par taqdeer ki bhi majboori thi

Aakhir koi to bahana chahiye tha

Tumse milneka

An overwhelmed minds knows not a sensible sentence...

On-the-spot running does not get anyone anywhere....

The whole real estate industry survives on making people invest their todays in dreams, beliefs and imaginations, visualisations as far removed from real(i)ty as possible and as close to realty as possible..

I am dis-oriented...does that mean i am off all things oriental?

indelible

the eye

unfocusses

on presents

clouded by

images of the past

chimeras in the mind

arguments

counter-arguments

wins

losses

noises in the head

drowning out

weak

watery

shaky

assurances

the number game

One I

sidled up

tried hard to snuggle

into

One YOU

but

one YOU

did not

want me TOO

alone

shattered pieces

lovingly put together

by me

colored canvases

forgotten

thrown

pens discarded

writings torn

scattered in the wind

pasts carried like shrouds

on solitary shoulders

bent under the weight

of solitariness

pre-fixed me

un-wrapped

un-raveled

un-burdened

me

re-softened

re-believing

re-discovered

me

sepia toned stirrings

like a yellowed letter

words peeped out

and shook awake

those minutes

those hours

those days

just like that

just like that

off lists

off invitations

off inclusions

off shared thoughts

plans

actions

ideas

discussions

just like that

like drawings of a childish hand

on fast receding sand on the sea shore

i drew

and lost

and drew

and lost

just like that

i must grow up

the sea has beaten me today

i shall never draw on the sand again

and watch it being rubbed off

just like that

Greed

more..more..

i smile & rejoice..

yet more...more

gains do not replace losses

getting does not replete losing

gains do not fill the hands...that want more..more

a yawning void

more..more

each day, each thought

where? how?

i lose more...more

gone.empty.

scratching at empty spaces with cloying nails

more...more

bleeding gashes in empty spaces

looking to be filled

more..more

yet again

Patience is the virtue of the lazy....

aha!!!

i know i am ditty here....and this is heredity ;-0

cheesy?

Is naacheez ko itni mat kadar deejeeye ki aadat bigad jaaye...

Ab haalat to badalne se rahe...unki aadat pad jaaye to sehna aasan ho jaaye...

Ved hakeemon ko dawa mubarak.....hum to mehkhana banke hi khush hain...

Neend udake kehto ho sone jayo....sapnon main aayo to koyi matlab bane...

woh poocchte hain humse kis kiska khwaab dekhti ho...bekhabar yeh bhi nahi jaanta ki yaadein uski sone hi nahi deti...

discovery....

Hope is the longest standing hard-on....

food for thot - cooked up by me and someone who inspires me to think

Chef 1: Aloo? How have you bean?

Chef 2: feeling lauky 

Chef 1: bhat tamaatar? 

Chef 2: i've bhin dis way since evening....

Chef 1: aaa(w)r (ba) bee! so saag!

Can I?

One who teaches, is a teacher
One who drives, is a driver...
If I pray, will i become a prayer??

to rise...in prayer...

The unreason of trudging uphill for hours on end, trying to immerse into an expression of faith made universal and mass, just to support and encourage its otherwise unsure individual existence, threatened by reason. Shouting loud, encouraging cries to buck up the flailing steps and the failing power in the lungs and the legs. To pay homage to a force that one does not get to do for more than one hurried inhalation of struggling breath. Reason and unreason. Jai Mata Di, cries that tie believers and unbelievers, strangers and intimaters, go downers and up climbers, all encouraging each other to believe for that one more step, take that one more laboured breath. In a country where folklores abound and multiply to keep pace with rising need for some justification for unanswered prayers to keep away seemingly inevtiable sorrows, there shall always be a dancing around between the unreason of faith vs the reason of effect of directly proportional relationship between height, weight, age, social standing...us and them...to reach up, so as to bow down....and not give faith even time enough to find itself and redefine...

To love with abandon. That is to say, to abandon oneself to love the other. so that all that remains, is the other, with the YOU becoming an amorphous thought, flowing in and out of the lover. No equal relationship on love and faith. Reach up high...higher...higher still, if someone is to be achieved....cos u r not worth reaching up for...in ur case, it shall always be a reaching down. it is a tick mark in one of the many boxes that govern one's life - birth, education, marriage, children, faith.....subjugation...yes sir! done! over and out! when the tick mark has been placed in the last box, you are ready for redemption, for celebration in the Club of the Broken Spirits Anonymous. No 12 steps here. Till you don't dissolve into a chirping, saluting, salivating, crawling, unrecognisable mass of whimpering brokenness, the doors of this halloed elevator to hell are shut to you. Fall, so you shall rise. Faith....Love...God....Lover....your hand creeps slowly towards the last box in my life...

Realisation

all of us who are deafened
by the silence in our lives
seem to
surround ourselves with noise
do you hear?
why? when our heads are not silent?

Jawab

phoolon se vaar na karo meri jaan
pathar ka to phir bhi jawab eenth se de sakoon

Galti

har sawaal ka
ek jawaab na do
kucch jawabon ke
sawaal hi kuchh aur hain

Uljhan

tumhe dekha nahi
to muh pheroon kaise
tumhe chhooya nahi
to tumhe rokoon kaise
tumsee batiyayoon to
man aur bhi ude
tumhe paya nahi
to tumhe tyaagoon kaise

Shabdon ke khel main

yeh saza to de hi dee
ki shabdon se kuchh keh na payoon main
ab yeh kasi paabandi
ki shabdon main baandh bhi na payoon main?